An Immersive Drag Parody of Die Hard Brings Queer Cabaret and Christmas Panto to London’s COLAB Tower.

Ah, Christmas: a season of mulled wine, tinsel-strewn chaos, and the annual debate over whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie (it is). This year, London’s COLAB Tower has delivered the ultimate yuletide gift—Dead Hard, an immersive drag parody that takes Bruce Willis’s sweaty gym vest, runs it through a bedazzler, and pairs it with sky-high stilettos. Naturally, it’s packed with innuendos that land harder than a glitter bomb at Nakotomi Plaza.
For those unfamiliar with COLAB Tower, it’s London’s first fully DDA-compliant immersive venue. Translation? Accessibility meets absurdity, and everyone can bask in the chaos. The action unfolds across the space, so prepare to dodge villainous side-eyes, sing along to campy bangers, and yell “BEHIND YOU!” with an enthusiasm typically reserved for bad karaoke nights.
At the heart of this glitter-fueled fever dream are two fabulous leads: Toby Osmond as the villainous drag queen Hands Grubber, channeling equal parts Alan Rickman and RuPaul, and Alex Dowding as John McClean, the gym bro turned unlikely queer hero. Together, they deliver a one-two punch of sass and slapstick that keeps the audience cackling like they’ve had one too many sherries.


Special mention must go to Calum Robshaw, who shifts from henchperson Theo/Neo to Holly (McClean’s wife) with the kind of versatility usually reserved for quick-change artists and split personalities. And Jacqui Bardelang as “Towel” (yes, Towel) is an absolute riot—a character that proves you can steal a scene even when named after bath linen.
The script, penned by Bertie Watkins, Helena Raeburn, and Lowell Bellfield, leans heavily into parody and panto traditions. While not every joke lands, there’s a fair share of knowing winks and bawdy humour to keep things lively. It’s the kind of production where a villain threatening hostages with a sequined phallic object while belting a Mariah Carey classic feels right at home—whether that’s genius or overkill may depend on your tolerance for camp.

The immersive nature of the production means you’re as much a part of the story as the actors. Whether it’s lip-sync battles, dodging (fake) explosions, or getting roped into a hostage scene, Dead Hard makes you feel like you’re part of the chaos—minus the pesky danger of real bullets.
Is it ridiculous? Yes. Over the top? Absolutely. But that’s the point.
It’s not trying to be anything other than what it is: a glitter-smeared love letter to Christmas camp, 80s action movies, and drag brilliance.
If your idea of Christmas cheer includes men in heels with legs that could cut glass, saucy double entendres, and a reimagining of Die Hard that’d make Bruce Willis spit out his eggnog, Dead Hard is the show for you. It’s brash, bawdy, and utterly brilliant.
In the immortal words of John McClean himself: yippee-ki-yay, darling.
Tickets available now at Yippee Theatre. Wear your best sequins, pack your sense of humour, and prepare for a night of festive fabulousness.
Listings
Dead Hard: Tuesday 10th December 2024 – Sunday 12th January 2025
COLAB Tower, 22 Southwark Bridge Road, London SE1 9HB
Age guidance 16+ (under 18s to be accompanied by an adult)
Elena Leo is the Arts & Lifestyle Editor of Ikon London Magazine.